hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
