she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
