Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
