I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
