you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
