You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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