I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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