hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
