I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Shame - the story of my life.
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