k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
