i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
