This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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