she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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