he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
