if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
