she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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