Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
