thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
