You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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