I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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