Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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