Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
