I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
