I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
