mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I looked at my own cervix.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
