Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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