i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
