He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
