I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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