Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
