watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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