I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
