I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
