you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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