I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
