I think I am morally bankrupt
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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