Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
