I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
