i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
