I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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