Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
