Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All the doctor said was why
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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