do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
