You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
