Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
