I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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