wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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