"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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