Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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