I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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