he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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