***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
