rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I touched a dick in church today
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
