so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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