3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
