I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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