I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
