HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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