i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
