I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
