What did we do last night that was yellow?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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