My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
