We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
