it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
