like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
