The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
