Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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