His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
