While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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