College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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