If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
